Today we went to a holiday get-together with some of my wife's extended-family. There was a woman there that recently had a baby, so her and my wife discussed practical advice relating to babies. This was good for her, because she got to talk to a person who recently went through pregnancy and understood what she was going through. Unlike most of the other so-called 'advice givers', this woman was sympathetic and gave advice rather than 'tell-it-how-it-was-for-them' by inferring what they thought she needs to do. That fact alone is what drives my wife up the wall, she wants to be seen as more than just a mommy-to-be, she wants to still be seen as a person, as, Lyndsay. She is not a cardboard cut-out or carbon copy of anyone or anything, and doesn't deserve to be treated as such.
Now that I have that out of my system, let's talk about me. (I'm not being conceited or anything) I find that most of the male role-models in today's society are of the stereotypical type. Here's what I mean:
- Sex Segregation. Whenever we have group-gatherings at people's houses, the men are in one room or area, and the women are in another. When the men finish eating, they keep their plates/bowls/cups/etc sitting in front of them. After a while, the women will wander into the room where their man is, and will take the dirty eating instruments, and throw them away and/or put them in the sink to be washed. Nothing bothers me more than this. I'm a big boy, I'm more than capable of doing it by myself. I also don't like it when the hostess asks if I want another piece of bread from the oven. I always say, "Not right now." Why? Ten times out of ten, they will stop eating, get up, and retrieve the bread FOR me. If I want another helping of anything, I probably know where it is and can get it, sit down and quit making me look like another stereotype. Argh!
- Gender Roles. The woman is there to cook and clean. My wife and I both cook, why? Because we are doing something together and thus, are bonding even more. I don't sit on the couch watching TV in a Fried Green Tomatoes-esque way (Yes, I watched that movie, and I like it a lot). I also wash dishes and clean the house a lot. My wife doesn't work, so yes, I could enslave her in a dictatorship way to be the sole cleaning agent in the house like many men do. But I don't, I usually end up doing most of the cleaning (Sorry if I'm making you look bad honey!), and I'm perfectly fine with that.
- You're not a man unless you're a stereotypical man! I'm comfortable with my sexuality/manhood, I don't need another man to validate any of that for me. If I want to help my wife cook or clean the house, I'll do it. Call me a sissy, a wuss, or whatever you want, that doesn't make me less of a man. I don't expect my wife to take on a subordinate role in our relationship by having dinner on the table when I get home for work or having the doorknobs dusted daily. We are equals. Without action out of both of us, the relationship gets dull and begins to create a rut that grows and grows until, guess what? Divorce. Affair(s). Secret lives. Alcohol/drug abuse.
Maybe I've gone too far in my list and offended some of you. If I offend you, you needed it. You needed that ice-bath to wake up from some sort of delusion that had put blinders on your eyes and a bit in your mouth.
Now that I'm done with that rant, I can get on to the actual point I'm trying to make. I didn't just make a deposit and am waiting to collect the interest, I am a full-time banker that has your best interests in mind.
"It is much easier to become a father than to be one" -Kent Nerburn
Found that in the book I just got today, "Dude, You're Gonna be a Dad!" by John Pfeiffer. I know that there are a million ways I could be handling being a 'pre-dad', some worse than others. I'm living in the moment, because for the moment I feel content with who I am and what I've become. I pray that I will always remain as such, because I want my child(ren) to have a safe and loving home and never feel pressure to become something they aren't. We carve our own destinies, make our own future and I'd hate to see myself becoming my child(ren)'s GPS system then notify them that my battery is at 1% capacity before leaving them cold and alone. Another quote, just because I've taken a liking to quotes in the past half-hour, then I'll go:
"You have to live in these moments, not for them. If you look too hard, they blow right by you. If you do not live enough, you will regret every breath." -Corey Taylor
And remember to always look on the bright side of life!
You sound like a great husband!! My hubby also does his share of housework. It does, in fact, make the relationship stronger. Everything trickles down. It doesn't take much to derail a train, ya know? Keep up the good work, I'm at 26 weeks and Hubby is doing a bit more than usual because things are progressively getting harder for me.
ReplyDeleteEh, You only do most of it because I've got a horrible gag reflex and if it smells bad (like the dogs accidents, the dishes, etc.) then it's nearly impossible for me to clean those things without making a bigger mess. Heh.
ReplyDeleteAlso it's not making me look bad really, it's just showing how awesome of a husband you are! =)